Thursday, May 04, 2006

We'll no longer have Paris

We hardly knew you, Paris. And I think that's because you hardly knew yourself. But that will change, and you'll only get better.

So it's done. Paris got the boot, and Elliott was again in the bottom two. On the upside, he got to sing again, and he sang his face off. On the downside, it was that lame "On Broadway" that he sang again. But hopefully a few more people noticed the woman-slaying power of his voice and they'll consider dialing for him next week.

We also got treated to a group sing, something we've been missing most of this year with all the guest artists. We did get the Queen medley a few weeks back, but that was actually normal when compared to the mind-blowing cheeze of this week's number. Did Tamyra write that song? How bad was this thing? In a plush living room in Beverly Hills, Katie Holmes sat nursing her baby as she watched that and said, "Now that's freaky-weird." It's exactly this kind of song that makes me cringe for the winner of this show -- unless the winner is Chris.

Another tacky thing about the group song is they so clearly had the remaining five sing in the order they're due for elimination, with bald egg-fuck taking the lead and Taylor and Kat right on his heels and then Elliott and Paris dumped in the back with solos buried in the middle. The gratifying part of that was that when Elliott did start to sing there was a contingent of girls that screamed for him.

After the group sing, we also got treated to this week's Ford commercial. I've never weighed in on these before, but this is about all I can say: I've been to over 100 Grateful Dead shows. I toss that out as my street cred only to let you know that I know when people are on drugs. The people who make these commercials are on drugs. And I'm not talking about the now-accepted, garden variety, pharmaceutically available bullshit drugs from Pfizer. I'm talking really good drugs. Illegal shit from Columbia that's been enhanced and mixed with another layer of "fuck-you-up" sludge from Mexico before it makes its way over the border. These commercial producers, they imbibe copious amounts of these drugs and then they laugh as they concoct this wickedly ridiculous shit and then laugh twice as hard when it gets shown on national television on a top-rated family show. And this year, just like me, they're laughing at Chris. This guy seriously expects to retain a single iota of credibility as a rocker after whoring himself out and doing these things in these absurd outfits? Sure, I've seen Anthony Keidis in a similar outfit.

I've also seen Keidis with nothing but a tube sock covering his schlong. Chris could never pull off that kind of outfit. Where would he attach his wallet chain? Wait. Don't answer that.

As for the elimination, Paris was really cool and classy about it. I'm glad for her, because I really don't enjoy ripping on a teenager. If Paris had been on this show a couple years from now, I seriously think she'd be wrecking the shit. Seriously. If she wants a career as an entertainer, I think she can have one, after she has a little bit of a life.

However, though I'm glad that Paris took it so well, I will say that I'm getting distraught in general with everyone who's being so gracious and cool about leaving. Ace and Kelly both handled extremely well, too. We're due to have someone really lose control over it. Tears, sobbing, heart-wrenching goodbyes. I expect more from Paula. She needs to get over her semi-sober self and nab some of the good shit from the Ford commercial dudes and get back on the ball. And Ryan hasn't sufficiently excoriated us, the audience in weeks either for what we've done with our votes. Next week being sweeps week and all, I'm holding out hope that we get a Big, Shocking elimination to get this all back in line.

Anyhow. It was sad that Elliott was bottom 2. But I'm not in the mood to scold, because the big picture is that he made the final four, baby!! And that he's here for Elvis week! Thank you. Thank you very much.

We'll talk more about that later.


Myfanwy Collins said...

The group sing and the ford commercials make me feel a deep, blinding shame.

Anonymous said...

If Elliot gets the boot (bite my tongue and turn around three times to ward off that bad luck) Paula will loose her shit. If he wins, same thing. Here's hoping Randy and Simon take her out for drinks before every show for the rest of the season.

SusanD said...

Myfanwy -- you should have no shame. There is no shame in simply seeing something, no matter how wrong it is.

Anon -- Ha ha. I think we could actually get Simon to lose his shit if Chris would get voted out. And, judging from Kat's unhappy reaction last night concerning Elliott's fate, SHE might lose her mind if he goes next.

meep said...

Yeah, I'm celebrating now, but between all the partying and next Tuesday night I'm threatening bodily harm to family and friends who haven't sworn to dial in some E! votes.

Hearing Elliott thanking me, it wasn't easy to so rudely hang up on him. Maybe that's why I didn't get in as many votes as in previous weeks. But, I promise to do better on Elvis Night, 'cause I feel sure Elliott will too!

Can't wait!

(I'm such a girl.)

Suki said...

Myfanwy lol - I know what you mean! OK so my prediction (more like a blind hope) of Cat McPhee going didn't come true, BUT it will this week, I guarantee it. Wonder what song Elliott will sing to me this week. Bear a thought for those of us at the other end of the world that can't vote and hear that lovely voice of Elliott's, you lucky, lucky, ba***ds.