Not so Ballsy

I should be happy.

And, I am.

But I'm just not as happy as I was hoping.

So Pickler got the boot last night. But for some reason, I didn't get the rush of schadenfreude I was hoping for. I was partly held back from enjoying my bitchy jubilation because I was just so damn happy that Elliott will be singing us two songs next week. (YAY!) But the other part it was somewhat a letdown was because it was just so justified. I mean, she really sucked for a few weeks and it would've been hard to defend her lingering around. And though she was so heavily promoted at the outset of the show, I really think it was her infamous "What's a ballsy?" line that was the start of her undoing. The public didn't react immediately, but it helped put the brakes on her run. Then toss in all those awful performances, and it seems almost like Kellie was trying to get herself kicked off. (Which is something I wouldn't put past anyone at this point. Chris Daughtry and Taylor Hicks especially.)

The amusing part of last night is that she didn't even get to sing it out. Bah! Yes, she was that awful the night before. Instead of singing, Seacrest let her talk about something like time to go to commercial. (double entendre, there?) Or maybe they just didn't want anyone singing after Bocelli, cause they really would've looked less like American Idol and more like The Gong Show stacked up against him. Anyhow, Paula didn't even feign sadness for Kellie. She pretty much handed her her bags and chirped, "Someone's gotta go!" Maybe Kellie was moving in on Paula's desired fuck toy this year and so Paula felt threatened and wanted her gone? I don't know. I kind of thought that with Ace now gone Paula was getting the skeevy hots for Elliott, hence her breakdown the other night when he sang. As we all know, I wouldn't blame her. He was looking downright HOT in that Ford commercial last night. But he just doesn't seem likely to gain Kellie's sexual favors. I'm not even going to speculate further on the fact that he shed a tear upon her leaving. I mean, I dig him, but we all know Elliott cries. (this is grotesque. I just spent an hour and a half scouring the web for shots of him crying, and I can't find two of the crucial ones to make this joke work in a pictorial way.) Maybe he was crying tears of joy because he won't have to deal with having her nasty snotrag flung at him ever again.

Anyhow. It wasn't a shocking elimination, nor unjust. The only elimination that could give me that rush of disbelief along with a feeling of vindication at this point would be Mr. Daughtry getting the boot. But even then, it would never come close to the Constantine eviction of last year, because there's no one CRAPPY left for him to be paired against. That was the joyful horror of Constantine's eviction: that he was booted, while Scott Savol was safe. The only way we could've had that kind moment again would've been if it had been Daughtry and Pickler in the bottom two, and then Daughtry was eliminated. And I begged for that not to happen. I'm a fool who doesn't know what's good for her.

Anyhow. Seacrest claimed that Katharine and Chris were the top two vote-getters. I call bullshit on that. I don't care how lame Taylor's performance was. (and OH! This just in -- Taylor AGAIN had to change his song late in the game this week. He'd planned on doing "Try A Little Tenderness" and got jacked around with it. I think that officially makes Taylor THE most fucked-with contestant ever on AI. Does he really have that much bad luck, or do the producers fear him that much?) Anyhow, no way I'll ever believe his vote total was middle of the pack, especially behind Katharine.

It's just that I still can't decide which game they're playing with Katharine. My gut tells me they'd WANT Katharine around for a final two with Chris. However, something seems hinky. The way the judges ripped into her performance on Tuesday was damn near rehearsed. And yes, it was a bad performance. But it wasn't THAT awful. But to then turn around and apologize for it? I'm sure that the judges furor raised Katharine's vote total this week. But that's how they've been playing the knock-outs this year -- with combination punches. First, they rip into the person, and then the next week, they back off and give patronizing faint praise. It works because when they attack, people feel a knee-jerk sympathy for the person and vote for them. But then the next week, that sympathy is gone and if it's a lackluster performance but the judges don't attack, complacency sets in and votes don't get cast. It worked on Kevin and Ace. And it sure looks like that's what they're playing at with Katharine. Watch for it. If she registers as "meh" on their, and the viewers' radar, she could be in serious trouble next week.

All this to say, I do think Katharine's nothing but a pawn at this point. I think the only two that aren't pawns are Daughtry and Taylor Hicks. And right now, it's just all about the producers figuring out how to keep Taylor from winning.

The question is -- has Taylor figured out if he wants to win? I know he's gotten screwed with and certainly that can affect his performances. But I've a feeling it's not just me who's got a touch of the Hamlet ambivalence going on. I think several of these contestants aren't quite sure if they really want to win this competition.

Granted, people are fond of saying that now that the contestants have had exposure, they don't need to win or place to be successful. But really, history kind of disproves that theory, if the success we're talking about is massive, chart-topping, celebrity-star success. And for the ones who are on here fame-whoring, isn't that the only kind of success they want? The trouble is, by now we all know that the brass ring of becoming American Idol champ or runner up is a fairly tarnished prize.

Again, in case you've forgotten, here's what's rumored to be the winner's coronation song, written by Tamyra Gray and Nick Lachey. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw! Somehow, I don't see Taylor WHOOing and applauding about that fucking disaster having to come out of his mouth. And don't get me started on Chris. And it's not just the one song. Everyone saw what happened to Bo Bice's CD, and I showed you that little article last week that gives us some potential insight into Bo's state of mind about all this shit.

I don't consider self-sabotage out of the realm of possibility at this point for some of these contestants. I really don't. I'm not even certain we haven't seen hints of it already, in fact. And that could be the one thing to put a monkey-wrench into this season.

Anyhow. Next week's theme is "Songs of the year they were born" and "Songs on the charts this week."

What a dumb-ass theme, huh? We'll discuss more later. If anyone wants to give me a clue as to what's popular today, right now, I'd appreciate that.