Tuesday, April 25, 2006

More AI Crap

Well, it's Tuesday so they have to release SOMETHING in the way of controversy to help keep the ratings numbers from falling again for AI tonight. This wussy article about Paula and Seacrest's "feud" is the best I could find though. Again, my disappointment rises. Again, my interest wanes.

I still have my Elliott adoration, and I'm confident he'll bring the hot again tonight. But seriously. For how long and to what degree can I take this show *seriously*?

I miss Constantine.

I am now fully convinced how special Connie was last year. I suspected when I first tried to pigeonhole Ace into his shoes and Ace came up so sorely lacking. And yes, Chris does now satisfy my itch for annoyance on a weekly basis. But seriously, that eggheaded not-rocker just can't bring the obnoxious like Constantine could. Chris glares at me through the TV, yes. But Constantine? When he'd look at me through the TV, it made me feel dirty. Violated. (Oddly, sometimes I look at Elliott, I feel like I'm violating him. Hmm. The thought of me becoming Constantine is too much.)

Anyhow. This is it. Tonight is the one year anniversary of Constantine singing Nickleback and then getting the shocking boot the next night. That was, without question, the single most satisfying moment in AI history for me. Because, though I voted for Connie to keep him around to feed my perverse desire to be annoyed, it was so unexpected and elating when he got bitch-slapped like that it was just -- perfection.

But I missed him as soon as he was gone. The show fell flat.

Idol voters, I implore you, don't do it again this year. If we're ripe for a surprise kick off this week, don't make it Chris. Sure, Chris takes himself way too seriously in a way I don't think Constantine ever did, and he'd never have the balls to sing The Partridge Family on the show. But even for us haters, there is an upside to keeping him around.

I give you this gift: THIS is believed to be the song that the "winner" of AI this year will be saddled with.

I know. There aren't lyrics posted. But look at the songwriters! Tamyra and Nick Lachey! I can't hardly fucking stand the thought of Chris Daughtry having to be crowned AI winner and then standing there and screeching a Tamyra Gray song about rainbows, pots of gold, hugs, and kittens while his wallet chain dangles and his eyeliner runs!! THAT WOULD BE THE BEST MOMENT OF AMERICAN IDOL -- EVER!!

I'm like Pavlov's dog thinking about this, yo! The only thing better than watching that would be then having his fans defend it and say, "He made it his own. He rocked it out."

Of course, there's a dark side to even this.

I'm still rooting and believing in Elliott and his ability to win this thing, I'm going to keep voting for him as long as he keeps bringing it. Because I WANT talent to win out and I want Elliott to have a million dollar contract and to be a winner. However -- I really don't want our dear, talented Elliott to be shackled with this song!

Making Elliott sing that song would violate him worse than my lusty gaze ever could.

But maybe not more than Constantine's.

Again, with another fucking paradox in my life.

Anyhow. Here's how I'm going to roll. If Elliott kicks ass tonight, I will vote for him. (Obssessively. Cause that's just how I do things.)

I will rest easy knowing that Chris will rake in plenty of votes.

And I will hope that Pickler is the recipient of the "shocking" exit this week.


Ellen said...

I dunno. I have this very icky feeling that Kellie has a strong fan base among text messagers. I imagine young teen girls who want to BE her (her looks are exactly what society tells these kids to aspire to, right?) and young teen boys who want to DO her.

You're better at odds than I am, but I have the feeling that Paris could be next.

SusanD said...

Oh, Ellen. I'm right with you -- I think Paris is big danger this week, with Elliott a close second. Whoever gets the shittier spot in the lineup and whoever gets the fainter praise (without being attacked) is who "they" want gone.

But I also think it shaking out that way is a bit too formulaic. I think Nigel & Co. are going to give a crappy placement to one of the popular kids, and Simon will follow the procedure and sink one of them with his comments to try and create some "shock" to the elimination this week. I just don't know if they're going to target Katharine or Kellie. Katharine's more vulnerable than Kellie, I think. I just WANT Kellie gone.