Friday, March 07, 2008


I'm so happy! I'm so sad.

So we just had to give Danny Noriega the boot last night, huh? He was fierce and he was flaming and ultimately, he was just tmth. To be honest, though, I really do think he failed to make the cut simply because Chikezie had the advantage of the pimp spot and though Danny was terrific in his interviews and had a great voice, he squandered some of his performances. I'd have loved to have seen what he could do, and the top 12 will be more boring without him, but someone has to hire this kid as a host of a show or something. But, on the upside, at least we kept the stripper around!

Yes, we kept hot Hernandez in the race, and I really couldn't be happier. We also kept cagefighting Kristy over Asia'h the lackluster diva'h. Therefore, I guess we can say that America accepted sex and violence, but still rejects anything served blatantly flambe.

So anyhow, back to David Hernandez.

David, he's not getting a lot of love out there in cyber-Idol land, so I've decided to take it upon myself to rectify this gross oversight and claim him as my pet this year. Yes, there will be embarrassingly long and reader-tedious, indulgent paragraphs devoted to him here. They will be filled with poor metaphors and fangirly, steadfast praise. Kinda like the following:

I know I waffled. I was smitten in Hollywood and then wrote it off to a different, strange fixation, but I'm back to it. I adore him. He really does remind me a bit of my cute cupcake Elliott. They both have great soulful voices and sometimes make poor facial expressions while crooning. More importantly, they've both been scripted as underdogs with a propensity for sweet, humble dispositions and somewhat leaky tear ducts.

But there are also noticeable differences. David has nicer hair, more photogenic choppers, a rockin' body, better fashion sense, a much more flamboyant past, and that Latin chic working for him.

I cannot have another cupcake. It's not fair to Elliott, and it'd be even more unfair to David. So let me tell you what David is.

If you're an occasional reader here, you may have noticed that I have unflagging love for Pauler. If you're a frequent reader here, or happen to know me, like, at all, then you know that this devotion is a kindred spirit type of thing. In other words, I'm an unrepentant boozehound. If you're here reading this now, you can look in the upper left corner and see my common drink of choice -- the vodka martini.

However, David Full Monty Hernandez is not common. And as spring approaches, I find myself changing menus and gravitating toward things that remind me of sun and warmth and fun. And my exotic, intoxicating beverage of choice becomes the mojito.

This isn't an easy thirst to quench, the taste for the mojito. The recipe can be risky and risque, a little too much here or there and you go over the top. You've got to take your time and carefully strip the mint leaves from the stems. Then you add just the right amount of sugar to sweeten it up and muddle them together. Add a dash of lime for tart kick. Then, instead of vodka, they're made with warmer, sweeter rum, and topped off with a spritz of soda water to give it all that fun little fizz. And they're best when they're served not completely straight up; you gotta have a couple cubes in there to keep 'em cool. (was it too much with the italics? you can tell me if it was.)

Oh, they're labor-intensive, that's for sure. But if you put a little love into 'em, by the time you're done, they're a totally mouth-watering mix of perfectly balanced complements: Warm rum and refreshingly cool mint, syrupy sweet balanced with a feisty kick. And man, do they sneak up on you and get you giddy crushed!

So there it is. David Hernandez is my Mojito of AI 7. David, baby, good luck. Simon, Nigel, and all -- gracias, you mixed this season well.

I drink your mojito! I drink it up!


Myfanwy Collins said...

Poor Danny! I really saw his age when he stood there picking at his nails to keep from crying. I wish he was still in it. But you're right (of course!) that someone should hire him as a host.

Meanwhile, pass me some of that mojito!

katrina said...

I felt for Danny. He wore his heart on his sleeve. I'm going to miss him and his attitude.

pinto said...


You are a bad-ass babe. Most profound exposition on the mojito that I've ever read. Almost makes me want to have one, although I avoid any drink with more than two ingredients (glass and alcohol).

I can't say I'm a David H fan. However, I love what he is doing to AI7. His gay stripper-lap-dancing self is subverting the machinery (especially when he crinkles his nose like a girl when he sings). He is injecting (pardon the pun) much needed raw alternative sexuality to the system. Plus, he makes Simon and Ryan uncomfortable, which makes me gleeful. Next to underdogs, I'm a huge admirer of people who push other people's buttons.

trudi said...

That you worked "There Will Be Blood" into a essay about vodka and hot singing male strippers, it just warms my heart.

My straw reaches across the room and drinks your mojito!

SusanD said...

The twbb was just for you, trudi. Just for you!

pinto -- glass and alcohol -- love it! And oh yeah. I think it was a couple weeks ago that David H grabbed Ryan's shoulders and Ryan had to control himself from backing away. It dismayed him, he of the hands on approach most of the time.