A double portion of ugly seasoned with marginal talent, please

So Haley's gone. It's cool. Maybe she'll get some work from LadyBic or ZZ Top if they ever have a comeback tour.

I did like the edited little skit they put together with Tony Bennett. He's a good sport. Now if they wanted to be truly funny, they'd get Alec Baldwin auditioning pretending to be Tony Bennett and sticking it to him.

What else? Simon was a good sport with African girls, allowing them to poke fun at his man-boobies. I still don't get the whole appeal with trying to get him to sing. Every time he's harsh on a contestant, Ryan stands up for the contestant by throwing a barb at Simon saying some variation of "You couldn't do better!" Like all good critics/reviewers have to be adept at what they're reviewing. Pfft. I mean, I get the logic, in a way. And I like Ryan and appreciate the counterpoint he lends to the show. But saying he should be more generous with his comments unless he can sing well is a bit like saying Pauline Kael wasn't qualified to review movies because she never won an Oscar.

Jennifer Lopez performed. Smoke and fire and a flowing dress with plenty of exposed cleavage. It would've been magnificent if it wasn't for the awful music. But she's still alright.

Sanjaya was safe. So the boys now outnumber the girls. Who'd have thunk? With Haley gone, the ugly ratio certainly does leap higher. Even if the cameraman would permanently afix the Cybill Shepherd filter lens, it wouldn't help the atrocity at this point. Fuck man. Smear the lens with an inch of Vaseline and the ugly would still come beaming through.

It's funny, because it's at once a victory and defeat for ugly people: They're kicking pretty's ass, sort of proving that looks aren't everything. And yet, everyone's just going to talk about how fucking ugly it all is and end up tuning out, especially because there's really not all that much talent to be crowing about. Talent trumps pretty, sure. But what the hell is happening on this show this year? And don't even send me letters defending your favorite and telling me he's cute. He's not. He may be likable to you and others, but he's not good looking. Not a one of them.