Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Tuesday, Wednesday stay in bed

I don't really know what to say about Idol last night. For me, the highlight was seeing AJ in the audience.

Otherwise? It was sort of a bleh night. Paula was extremely coherent and on the ball. Simon wasn't needling Ryan about being gay. Randy said a few things other than "dawg" and "pitchy."

Gwen? She was okay. She's gorgeous and cool, sure. But she's not exactly a songbird, either. But it was slightly amusing how she didn't run her comments through the usual, requisite amount of aspartame for the cameras. If she thought someone was going to blow, she said so. And they then did blow in exactly the way she predicted!

What else? Oh yeah, Sanjaya had that ridiculous faux-hawk going on. Yeah, he still sort of blows. But he also just doesn't care anymore. He's got the "what the fuck" attitude going on, without being arrogant or bitter about it. So I suspect that'll just endear him to the little girls even more. Who knew, huh? I mean, I did know that so many tween girls watched and voted for Idol. I'd just seriously underestimated the pedophile contingent which I suspect is the other large voting block keeping him alive. Howard Stern listeners and VFTW, you think that's who pushing him along? Howard has an army of listeners, but are they really willing to pick up the phone and vote for Sanjaya every week? I doubt it. They're too busy getting lap dances at that hour. And to hear VFTW tell it, they rocketed Taylor to victory last year. But they didn't save Antonella Barba, did they?

I will tell you this -- I was happy to be watching from my TV at home again, because I don't have HDTV. And let me tell you something, you really don't want to experience the ugly that is Phil Stacey with an HDTV. I was shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, at just how fucking ugly this fellow is when viewed in Hi Def. Now, I know how shallow and nasty it sounds to be talking only about the attractiveness, or lack thereof, of the contestants. But you really have to see this to appreciate it.

Who comes out on the upside of the Hi Def delineator? Jordin. She gets even more beautiful with ultra clarity. Too bad she wore such hideous clothes last night as she song "Hey Baby," a song that grates no matter how much it's been abridged.

LaKisha did alright with the Donna Summer song "Last Dance." Remember how uber-bitch Brenna Gethers mangled that song and it got her booted? LaKisha didn't mangle it, and she had on stunning boots. But though her boots were kicking, her outfit was bloody awful. Also in a terribly ugly ensemble was Melinda. It even looked like she got her thing off the same rack as LaKisha's. But it didn't matter, because she sang "Heaven Knows" and was, again, the best of the night.

Chris Sligh's "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" kind of sucked, but he'll stay a while longer. Haley. Who the fuck is voting for Haley? She did "True Colors." She's about as colorful as copy paper. Any day now, Dairy Queen could sue her for infringing on their recipe for vanilla. Gina did "I'll Stand By You," and she sounded fine, but I still dislike her. I notice she's losing weight even more rapidly than Kat McPhee did last year, but it won't matter, because she's not one of those overweight chicks that people say "she has such a pretty face, though" about. So when she loses all the weight and is skinny, she'll still be a chick with a slightly above-average voice and a moderately unattractive face and highly unattractive personality.

Blake did "Love Song." Not the Cure's version, of course, but the 311 version from the "50 First Dates" soundtrack. (Which also has The Cure song "Friday, I'm Love" on it. I like the soundtrack when I'm ripped on rum.) He got major props as being the best guy in the competition, which is sort of like if LeBron James would participate in a hockey exhibition and telling him that he's the best basketball player out on the ice. So, whatever.

And, they clearly want to help Chris Richardson out of the bottom two status he had last week, because they gave him the coveted pimp spot to sing "Don't Speak," another annoying as fuck No Doubt song. (I realize that saying any No Doubt song is annoying is about as redundant as feeling the need to clarify that Band-Aids are bandages. But, there are people out there voting for Sanjaya, so I don't take anything for granted anymore.) Chris, his voice really isn't very good. And I think the reason he does so many runs is because doing runs helps cover it when he can't accurately hit or sustain the note he's supposed to. So he just wobbles all over the general vicinity of the note and hopes it sounds "artistic" or "soulful." But Gwen called him on it and he tried to do a little less of it with some pretty poor results.

if this were three weeks ago, this situation would give me great glee. But know what? He's grown on me. For real. I don't mind the little camera-fucker now. His brand of camera-fucking is much closer to mugging and cheesing as opposed to arrogant preening, so it's totally tolerable.

Well. I'm jet-lagged, so I didn't really have a theme or point with this week's blatherings, so I don't really have a line to wrap this all up. So I guess we'll just see who gets kicked off tonight and take it from there, hmm?

Oh! Also? Do you watch "Dancing With The Stars?" If not, you should. It really is better than "Idol" this year. Bruno Tonioli is still delicious and adorable. The dancing is really good, the band is way better than Ricky Minor's, and the costumes are so much more glittery and flesh-revealing.


Don Capone said...

Welcome back, Susan! Your wrap up was on the money. I thought Gwen Stefani's comments were pretty useless, and she probably couldn't even make the top 12 if she tried out for AI.

Melinda and Jordin continue to be my favorites. Lakisha seems to have plateaued, and she looks like she just wants to get to the final 2 already.

Sanjaya's hair. What can you say? He seems to know the trick to get votes though. People want to see what his hair will look like the next week!

Jordan E. Rosenfeld said...

I was starting to go through withdrawals Susan. You are NOT permitted to have a life while Idol is on. No one gives the kind of snark you give...Now, I always laugh when I read your posts...but I REALLY laughed about "the ugly that is Phil Stacey" because I was really feeling it last night. He painted on extra eyebrows which only made his hyper-bulging freakshow eyes penetrate my soul in more frightening ways.

SusanD said...

Don- I can't blame Lakisha too much for just wanting to get on with it, as that's sort of how I feel. I wish there were still two people being eliminated every week.

Jordan - aw, thanks. You're right on abuot the painted eyebrows! He really IS monstrous. He could get work in horror movies.

Dave Clapper said...

The thing about the god-awful Nosferatu-ness that is Phil Stacey... it actually worked for a stalker song like "Every Breath You Take." I actually enjoyed it. As long as he sings creepy stuff, he's playing to character.