Friday, March 02, 2007

America Hates Nina Simone?

Well I think the results show last night made it very clear. Americans have very suspect talent when it comes to voting. Hanging chads, malfunctioning machines, teens with superfly text capabilities or just plain old bad choices, we as a nation have a lot of trouble getting these things right.

But one thing is sure, we really don't like that Nina Simone song "Feeling Good." It swallowed up two contestants last night (AJ and Leslie). And on top of it, we also clearly voted against dimples (Nick and Leslie), in tune singing (AJ, Nick, Leslie), and last but certainly not least -- fabulousness.

We did get to see Kellie Pickler again, along with the cantaloupe that valiantly gave its life to be cut in half and sewn into her chest so that she could more closely resemble Dolly Parton circa 1985.

It was somewhat entertaining when Ryan questioned her about her recent purchases and she answered him without a lick of guile, "Shoes."

But then it was on to the ugly business of the evening, where Nick got the axe. I'm sad because I'd kinda liked Nick, but also because I thought he had a striking resemblance to Robert Downey, Jr. and I was looking forward to making some cracks about that in the future.

Can't you see it? Now picture Nick this morning -- all strung out and sad and after a drinking a binge to drown his sorrows. Alas, kiss kiss, bang bang, your shot at fame just ended, Nick.

Then Alaina was voted off. I don't care about her and thought she deserved to go so I'm not going to make a stink about it or post a farewell picture. She was still snotty as Ryan read back Simon's comments about her, and I did have a small pang of regret that she was leaving, because though I'd have hated listening to her sing again, I would have enjoyed it if she'd gotten more aggressively bitchy each week. But I'm still pretty confident that we have Toni to fill the entitled bitch slot, so it's all good.

Then, of course, Ryan made a big show of calling AJ Tabaldo and the suckfest known as Sanjaya up to the middle of the stage to boot one of them, and we all immediately knew it was AJ who'd go, because creepy, self-conscious whispering in a brunette Farrah wig is clearly what appeals to pre-teen girls. Fuck, man. AJ kept his composure and class when Ryan tried to make him look like an asshole by asking him if he was surprised he was going instead of Sanjaya. AJ was really sad, but he said, "No, he's great," and gave Sanjaya a pat on the back. And then he took the mic and gave us the last dose of fabulousness we'll see this year.

Oh AJ. Like an adult version of Ugly Betty's Justin, you're just too cool for this anyhow. You may be off the show, and heartbroken today, but something tells me that your fire to perform won't be extinguished. That's right -- you'll flame on!

I'm not even going to bother writing the long-ass, boring diatribe about gayness and this show. Instead, I'll do something positive and will be implementing a fabulous new rating system, so do check back for that.

Anyhow, after AJ sang the hell out of "Feeling Good," they then booted off Leslie, who had also sung that song. There was a whole production where Ryan called down Antonella and Jordin and Leslie, and it was very clear that Leslie knew she was the one going. Frankly, back on the first show, if you saw Leslie's package, you could see that she knew she was cannon fodder.

I admire her for how she handled the whole thing. Alaina got bitchy about it and let the nerves strangle her performances. Whereas Leslie reminded me of a line from Lt. Speirs in "Band of Brothers" when he was trying to calm down another soldier. He told him that he was scared because he hadn't yet accepted that he was dead. Once he accepted that fact, he'd be able to fight like a soldier has to. Leslie clearly accepted that she was a lame-duck in this competition. But she came out and sang and gave it her very best shot anyhow.

She was quirky and her voice was different and so were her musical tastes. And that's what got her kicked off. Also? She just wasn't loud enough.

So it was a depressing night. But there were a couple of high points. The smaller one was seeing Antonella's totally shocked reaction when she thought she was being booted. SHOCKED, I tell you, SHOCKED. It made me so glad that we decided to keep her ass around a little while longer. (but she better bring her hot dad back)

The second highlight was how Sundance's mockability factor skyrocketed as the night progressed. Did you see all the cutaway shots of him crying as each person got booted? I gave him a pass when he got all weepy talking about his baby the other night, but now he's just gone too far.

He's like Demi Moore in "Ghost" with the constant freefalling tears. Nick, Alaina, and AJ all caused him to mist up and do the deep-breathing thing before it got out of control.

I wonder if Chris Sligh saw any of this, and if he nodded along, knowing that Hasselhoff would be proud.


Myfanwy Collins said...

Susan, the one and only consistently entertaining thing about AI this year is YOU! Thank you for continuing to tell it like it is.

Anonymous said...

Hi Susan - So glad to see that you're blogging AI again this year. Your columns last year were spot on and more fun than the show itself.

Don Capone said...

Good recap. And I admit, you were right about AJ. His performance last night was very good. I can't believe the Indian kid is still there, part of the final 16 now.

Pickler seemed a lot more polished since we last saw her. Could be she just seems that way because all the white girls this year suck.

Shaffner said...

I was expecting that either Antonella or Sanjaya would survive. But both?? Wow. I wanted Antonella to go just so I could hear her belting out Celine Dion again. That was awesome.

Poor AJ got shafted.

For the girls, I don't feel so bad. I thought it would be Antonella and Leslie, with Alaina going next week. Can Antonella really survive another vote? I didn't know there were so many horny boys among the voters... I can't wait to see what she says when the judges tear her apart next Wednesday.

SusanD said...

Myfanwy and Anon -- thanks so much. I'm not sure I'll be able to hang in this year after the really atrocious people are gone.

Don -- I miss Kellie so much and have a new appreciation for her kind of suck. At least she wasn't cardboard, you know? She was fun.

Shaffner-- don't you worry. Now we get a whole NEW song for Antonella to butcher next week. Good times. And she's got Vote For the Worst firmly behind her, so I won't be shocked if she makes it another week or even two. It'll be an outrageously hilarious uproar if she makes it through an elimination and one of the black girls who can sing gets cut.

Anonymous said...

Sundance looks like an
adolescent Jerry Falwell!

Alice said...

Thank God for you, Susan. Otherwise, this season is lost. I did get a good laugh about Pickler saying she spent her money on shoes when her new store-bought chest was so prominently displayed. She looked kinda frumpy, though.

Your titles are so funny, too. I loved "hard out there for the pimped." I thought Nick did a very classy exit and AJ was awesome. I wish them both well.

steelkisses said...

I AM SO SAD THAT AJ GOT VOTED OFF!!!! I love, love, love him and I get goosebumps even THINKING about his performance of "Feeling Good". It was incredible. I don't get it. Well, I do, but I don't like it. I liked Nick, too. Ok, I liked his VOICE, he has an absolutely beautiful voice, but just no personality. I knew he'd never make it. It was funny, while he was singing I told my husband, "he's good, he just doesn't have any charisma"... then that was Simon's exact critique of him. It was true. No charisma. Nope, the blubbering "I love my girlfriend" dedication wasn't enough. I don't really care that the others are gone, Alaina (gag), Leslie (you are right on with her... as was Simon, she is good, but forgettable) and Nick - but AJ, oh, oh AJ. I'm going to miss him. Maybe he'll still come to the tapings and dance in the audience.

SusanD said...

steel -- I'm still bummed about AJ, too. He NEEDS to be in the audience, especially if they do a disco night!

alice -- yes! I thought Pickler looked a hot mess, too.

dennis -- bwah!

Anita said...

Kelly Pickler look like she aged about 10 years. Hopefully, it was the hair-do (I hesitate to say hair-style), but she just looked worn and used up. Kinda sad.