Oh No! Blue loses 3 - Zero!

Madone! Italy lost its first game in the Euro Championships to the Netherlands. Not only did they lose, they got pounded 3-0! Now they'd better beat the daylights out of Romania and France to even have a chance to progress. They looked a little lost without Cannavaro, and yeah, that first goal that the Dutch scored should've been disallowed as it was clearly offsides, but once they didn't get that call, they then got rattled and quickly allowed another goal to be scored. Two goals scored off them in five minutes! They only allowed two goals to be scored against them during the entire World Cup.

To clarify why this would be such a personal travesty for me if they don't move on, I'm gonna introduce you to some of the players on the team over the next few days. I'm sure you can imagine why I root for Italy, but the following may help illuminate why my fever for the current team runs so hot.

Their goalkeeper is Gianluigi "Gigi" Buffon. When not playing for the national team, Gigi plays for Juventus, which is pretty much the most successful of the Italian football teams. (Like, if Italian soccer was like the mafia five families, Juventus would be the Genovese family, see?) Personally, Gigi shares the international number one ranking as the world's best goalkeeper for the past twenty years. He also has manymany prestigious awards, both European and International, over the past decade as "best goalkeeper of the year" and even a couple of overall "player of the year" awards. So, you know, he fuckin' rocks. He does his job, you know? He dates a Czech model. In case you're wondering how a goalkeeper manages to score a smokin' babe, I now introduce you to Gigi.


Yeah. Seriously. I'm not shitting you here. That's him. And when he's all sweaty on the field? Even better.

You think that's good? Just wait. Tomorrow I'm gonna go to the front line and begin introducing you to the team's strikers, starting with Gigi's Juventus teammate, Alessandro Del Piero and his ubiquitous tongue.