You Bark, I Bite

I should've written that send-off for Chris Moltisanti. I'm having one of those days where I'm just bitchy and annoyed. And that sort of restless mood reminds of Chris's attitude and lightens my mood. Sure, he was impulsive and violent and an addict and selfish. But at times, all those things came together to create comedy gold. Remember when Chris was writing his Hollywood manuscript, You Bark, I Bite, and we all snickered at him typing up dialogue such as "I can manuge that."

But then, only an episode later, we saw him in acting class and got a startling glimpse of just how brilliantly talented Moltisanti could've been as an actor? That was a weird, heartbreaking scene.

And then, only days later, back in the acting class, when they were doing the A-B exercise? You remember that? That's still, without question, my favorite Chris scene. The two actors are supposed to have a conversation with each other and they're only allowed to say "A" or "B". So Chris's partner shakes out his arms and cracks his neck and looks Chris square in the eye and adamantly declares, "A!"

And Chris socks the guy in the jaw!

Holy shit. One of the best scenes ever. Chris was laying for the guy anyhow, harboring some embarrassment and anger. And everything about the way that guy said "A" was just cocky and confrontational and begging for a punch in the mouth. And Chris did it!

Of course, it's terrible behavior and the whole class shunned him for it and he had to drop out. But onscreen? It was a total scream and it actually endeared Chris to me a little.



Haven't you ever had one of those days when someone barked at you and you wished you could bite back? Moltisanti, he always did. He didn't care if you were a bakery clerk or Ben Kingsley. He'd shoot you in the foot or bitch slap you or take back his fruit basket. Tony Soprano, even he didn't escape unscathed -- Chris got his retaliation by making an entire revenge movie that ends with Tony's head chopped in half!

When I have one of those angry, ugly days where people are just pissing me off, that's what I think to myself: "Say 'A' motherfucker. Just go ahead and say it!" And eventually, they don't exactly say 'A', but they say something that just fries my ass. And instead of punching them out, I get a visual of Chris knocking that guy out. And I know people think I'm psycho, because then I'll laugh as the response to the infuriating thing they've just done or said.

Maybe it's not the healthiest way to deal with anger, but it's a lot better than actually punching out the person who's pissing me off. Sometimes, I'd like to bite, but instead, I'm calm, knowing that Chris is out there, my own little patron saint of aggravation and frustration, and knowing that he'd have kicked their ass is good enough to keep my response at a slight bark.