Wow. So once again, the best singer goes out at number 3 on Idol. Poor Melinda. Has anyone so highly pimped ever gotten such a boot before? She sang last and Simon pleaded for our votes. But to no avail.
And didn't it look like she knew it the whole show? Seacrest made an unfortunate comment after they'd shown Jordin and Blake's homecoming package. Before going to a break, he said, "After the break, Melinda goes home." We knew he meant that they would show her homecoming montage, but just the way it came out and the way Melinda reacted to that comment was very telling.
As for her montage? Well. Blake got 10,000 screaming fans and had special seats with stickers saying "Reserved for a Blaker Girl," and then sang at a Mariner's game. Jordin had a packed school and filled outdoor concert and everyone had carefully made signs adorned with pretty glitter saying "Jordin Sparkles!" Melinda, she got a "parade" through her school's campus where ten people showed up and used lipstick to messily write the letters of her name on their stomachs, and then they didn't even bother to line up in order! Fucking pathetic showing, Nashville. Pathetic.
In other news, Elliott returned, and even though it looked like he'd dipped into Blake's ugly pants closet, had mugged the Doobie Brothers for his fuzzed-out hair, and was wearing Matt Dillon's prosthetic teeth prop from "Something About Mary," he still looked and sounded better than Maroon 5's Adam Levine. No shock on Elliott sounding better than Adam, but it was a bit startling just how fucking squeaky Levine sounded. Who knew? Considering their current single is number one, I guess nasally is a form of singing. Apologies to Chris Richardson for cracking on him earlier this year for that lame comment. I guess I'm just not hip enough for all these new-fangled styles and innovations.
Now let's talk for a minute about that unfortunate haircut Adam had. Looking like Billy Bob's stand-in on "Slingblade." Is this another new, hip style? Elliott should've donated some of his extra waves to the cause. But even better hair wouldn't have helped him pull off that womanly suit ensemble. You know the saying there's no such thing as being too rich or too thin? I think Paris Hilton has proven that there is, indeed, a too rich for your own good. And Levine trying to rock that suit proved there is such a thing as too thin. For crying out loud, he had an hourglass figure! That's supposed to be attractive? Screw that. I'll still take Elliott, even if he now looks like the love spawn of Fozzy Bear and Orin Scrivello. (<--that's arcane, yes.)
As for the contestants, they really are the afterthought of this year, aren't they? Jordin and Blake couldn't have been any classier in their victory, though. Seacrest had a good night, welcoming back Elliott and then hugging Adam, so good for him.
The judges? Simon seemed genuinely pissed about Melinda leaving. Fuck him, you know? Ha ha ha! First the Sligh Teletubbies dig, then the whole Sanjaya business, don't forget about shipping him off to Africa for a day and a half, and now Melinda tanking it. If ever there was an argument for instant karma, this season, for Simon, is it. THIS is what happens when you create a monstrous mutant like Il Divo, asshole.