Thursday, May 17, 2007

Simon's Bad Day

Wow. So once again, the best singer goes out at number 3 on Idol. Poor Melinda. Has anyone so highly pimped ever gotten such a boot before? She sang last and Simon pleaded for our votes. But to no avail.

And didn't it look like she knew it the whole show? Seacrest made an unfortunate comment after they'd shown Jordin and Blake's homecoming package. Before going to a break, he said, "After the break, Melinda goes home." We knew he meant that they would show her homecoming montage, but just the way it came out and the way Melinda reacted to that comment was very telling.

As for her montage? Well. Blake got 10,000 screaming fans and had special seats with stickers saying "Reserved for a Blaker Girl," and then sang at a Mariner's game. Jordin had a packed school and filled outdoor concert and everyone had carefully made signs adorned with pretty glitter saying "Jordin Sparkles!" Melinda, she got a "parade" through her school's campus where ten people showed up and used lipstick to messily write the letters of her name on their stomachs, and then they didn't even bother to line up in order! Fucking pathetic showing, Nashville. Pathetic.

In other news, Elliott returned, and even though it looked like he'd dipped into Blake's ugly pants closet, had mugged the Doobie Brothers for his fuzzed-out hair, and was wearing Matt Dillon's prosthetic teeth prop from "Something About Mary," he still looked and sounded better than Maroon 5's Adam Levine. No shock on Elliott sounding better than Adam, but it was a bit startling just how fucking squeaky Levine sounded. Who knew? Considering their current single is number one, I guess nasally is a form of singing. Apologies to Chris Richardson for cracking on him earlier this year for that lame comment. I guess I'm just not hip enough for all these new-fangled styles and innovations.

Now let's talk for a minute about that unfortunate haircut Adam had. Looking like Billy Bob's stand-in on "Slingblade." Is this another new, hip style? Elliott should've donated some of his extra waves to the cause. But even better hair wouldn't have helped him pull off that womanly suit ensemble. You know the saying there's no such thing as being too rich or too thin? I think Paris Hilton has proven that there is, indeed, a too rich for your own good. And Levine trying to rock that suit proved there is such a thing as too thin. For crying out loud, he had an hourglass figure! That's supposed to be attractive? Screw that. I'll still take Elliott, even if he now looks like the love spawn of Fozzy Bear and Orin Scrivello. (<--that's arcane, yes.)

As for the contestants, they really are the afterthought of this year, aren't they? Jordin and Blake couldn't have been any classier in their victory, though. Seacrest had a good night, welcoming back Elliott and then hugging Adam, so good for him.

The judges? Simon seemed genuinely pissed about Melinda leaving. Fuck him, you know? Ha ha ha! First the Sligh Teletubbies dig, then the whole Sanjaya business, don't forget about shipping him off to Africa for a day and a half, and now Melinda tanking it. If ever there was an argument for instant karma, this season, for Simon, is it. THIS is what happens when you create a monstrous mutant like Il Divo, asshole.


Don Capone said...

I wanted Melinda to break out her surprised look after she got the boot (we haven't seen that look since Simon told her to stop it). I actually liked Elliot last night. He sounded polished and his voice was strong. But, really, he should have just done an album of cover songs. What was with that song he sang? Tuneless, no melody, no chorus. Have people forgotten how to write songs? Why do all the current pop songs sound so bland? Has the universe just run out of new melodies?

Anyway, I was hoping for a Jordin/Melinda finale, but I figured it would come down to a boy vs a girl, like it always seems to: McPhee vs. Taylor, Rueben vs. Clay, etc. I'm going to vote for Jordin.

SusanD said...

I didn't want to criticize, Don, but I didn't like the song at all, either. It's the first I'd heard it, but it wasn't catchy to me. But I worry I'm old and just not "getting it" anymore.

Ruben-Clay -- ha! I swear, I'm hanging in ONLY because the finale last year was so absurd and marvelous, and I'm hoping for some of that this year, and the weird Clay appearance is what made it.

meep said...

And don't forget Prince. I can't imagine AI ever topping that.

pinto said...

Hey Susan. I haven't watched the show for over four weeks, but still tune into your blog religiously every Wednesday and Thursday to know what happened. Weird, huh? It's been downhill since week 3. I couldn't stand it anymore and quit cold turkey. I will watch the finale, however, just in case Hasselhoff shows up.

meep said...

Re Simon, he was completely unhappy with Taylor's win last year too. So, he must be getting used to things not always going his way on the AI assembly line. Can't really see him crying in his Coke either, what with all his Underwood shares.

Anonymous said...

Poor Melinda, oh well. Jordin should win, Elliott must be gutted he didn't have this group to contend with instead of last years great bunch. Not liking Elliotts hair do or the Mr Ed nashers but boy that voice is to die for.

Jean White said...

According to Ryan this am, Simon had a massive migraine last night. This might account for his dyspeptic mood. I doubt he is too bummed by Melinda's vote off, controversy is all cream for Cowell.

I like Blake. The most common comment I have read on forums is that people's three year old children or 75 year old mothers are wild for Blake. It may mean you need to have an undeveloped or faded critical faculty to prefer him. In any case, I like him for taking risks, for showing his own musical preferences clearly, and for performing the one song that still goes through my head. You Give Love a Bad Name.

Cam said...

Wheee! Elliott! Oh, that appearance gave me flashbacks of how excited I was last year. Sigh. Not liking the look on Elliott but what's great is that he's got more control with the vibrato of his voice.

I don't like the song either. It sounds like a formulaic R&B song and does nothing for Elliott's wonderful voice. UGH!

SusanD said...

meep -- oh, Simon was miffed about Taylor. But I think he had to know from the first couple of weeks that there was no derailing that disaster.

pinto-- aw, thanks! The Hoff. We can only hope for something so sublime.

cam -- agreed, his voice is better than ever.

Jean -- You Give Love a Bad Name is the ONLY standout performance this year for me. So I'm glad he made it based on that. I'd enjoy seeing him upset Jordin, but do think his mass appeal is sort of muppety. But I also don't have a problem with that.

trudi said...

Next weeks show will be a schauenfreude spectacular of Soul Patrollers watching Chain Wallet eclipse the grey haired no hit wonder.

And if Chris gets to sing out the show, under the pretense that the god awful substitute for "Bad Day" had to be sung live for the loser, I'll be in my glory.

Alice said...

Good recap as always. It's all so boring now. I had hoped Elliott would clean up before coming on the show,but alas. Also, that's my least favorite song on his album. You're right - too formulaic. There were a couple of better songs, but for some reason, they chose this one as the single. I don't get it, but just figured I was too old. I agree with Don Capone and wanted an album of covers. But I really got a laugh out of his take on the boy-girl finals. Ruben-Clay. Hah! Hopefully the final will give you lots of fodder.