24

The final 24 for American Idol is set, after the blazingly boring "chair episode." Really, the only interesting part of that episode came in the last five minutes, when we watched Antonella Barba beat out some chick whose name I've already forgotten, even though the chick was a better singer. The other chick was upset and peeved and they made a big deal of how she was robbed. But really. Who stood a chance against the Eva Mendes lookalike who's already got a topless and toilet shot floating around the 'net?

This chick is Idol gold. All the teenage girls are probably already fantonellas because she's pretty and got so much screen time and her outrageously bitchy friend ("God likes good people") got cut and we can't wait to see if Toni is gonna be able to muster the same sort of spectacular, bitchy diva-ness to entertain us.

The only other chick I'm into at this juncture is Lakisha. But I'm into her in a whole different way than Toni -- I actually like Lakisha and her singing and it seems like she can entertain. So I'm hoping she avoids any fatal missteps early on and think she's got a shot at hanging around a good long while.

I fully predict the first girl gone will be that redhead who looks a lot like that chick from Studio 60 that I can't stand, because it doesn't matter how good she sings, the only time we saw her was sitting in the chair looking like that chick from Studio 60.

Unlike the girls, a bunch of other guys have hit my radar: the incredibly cute Rudy, the psuedo-studly Nick, the baby-birth misser, the wryly funny Chris Sligh, the barefoot Paul Kim, and that black guy with the curly hair whose name I don't know even though I think he's going to win it all. Brandon, maybe?

The other interesting couple minutes of the chair show was watching pre-pimped Sundance (real name Jason -- though he complained about "Sundance" we know he used it intentionally to get more notice) go Heads up with that other guy whose name I've already forgotten. I've forgotten his name, because it wasn't something ridiculous like Sundance, but I do recall he was both more charming and had a more interesting voice than Sundance. But he got it stuck to him and got cut in favor of what appears to be another case of more instant recognizability.

Also, much in the way that Lakisha fills the big, black belter slot this year and Toni fills the gorgeous girl (and hopefully irrepressible bitch) slot, Sundance fills the fat fuck guy slot. (Hereafter to be called, in Sucks tradition as FaFu.)

The best part of Sundance beating out the other guy? The uncomfortable elevator ride where the other guy flipped the double bird to the camera and Sundance sweating and smiling while trying to fake-act at least a little chagrined. And then, instead of shutting up, blurting out, "If I hit it big, I'll make you my bodyguard." And then, instantly realizing what a fuck-up that statement was! Tossing on the uncomfortable explanation to a jaw-dropped Seacrest, "Big guy."

I wonder if Sundance ever thinks about Robert Redford as he daydreams about being crowned AI 6 champ, humming "Do I Make You Proud," with visions of the original Sundance Kid shaking his hand and getting teary-eyed a la The Knight Rider. Something tells me he's going to fall a little short of his goal, here. And, sadly, though he's a husky fellow, he's even shorter than Seacrest so I don't think he can fall back on dreams of being Brandon's bodyguard.