Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Half assed recap

Sorry, I've been busy with work so I don't have time for a full-fledged Supernova recap this week. Maybe I'll catch up and do something more substantial after the elimination tonight.

Believe me, I have plenty to say about last night's Rock Star episode. How could I not at least comment in passing on Ryan's Zorro-inspired eyeshadow and his feathered mohawk hoodie as he utterly butchered "Paint it Black" and then got praised for it? I mean, fucking Tommy knew it sucked and wanted to tell him so, but Dave's eyebrows intimidated him into saying it was good. It wasn't. It was frenetic and screechy and reminded me of a rabid racoon singing karaoke.

But I was thrilled to see Navarro pull out a really idiotic opinion for a change. Perhaps it has something to do with his new rumored squeeze, Jenna Jameson. I've contemplated making an incestuous graph that details the fuck-buddy swapping pool of rock stars and porn stars, but decided that even Photoshop doesn't have enough red ink for me to write "SKANK" with pointy arrows everywhere necessary.

To balance it out, we had Storm and her "spank the crap" comment that we just KNOW drew a retort from T Lee that got edited out. She proudly wore ill-fitting trousers as she belted out "We Are the Champions." Do I detect some stress-eating poundage on Stormy? I think so. It's all good. Maybe someday she and Taylor Hicks can hang out and chow down on ribs and whatever the fuck people from the Northwest love to eat -- double latte mochaccinos, maybe? (and before any feminists get on my shit for picking on a chick's weight gain, let me give you a preemptive "fuck off" because as a struggling fat chick who stress eats, I do feel I have the liberty to tease.)

And then there was Zayra -- not showing a trace of stress poundage -- and her molten gold bodysuit with top hat and platform shoes. (Zayra -- I love you! You're my new girl crush! You can't sing for shit, baby, but I love your camp and cheek. I had you all wrong at the start. Please forgive me!) She really and truly is awful, that Zayra. But it's still good TV so I really hope she sticks around a bit longer. Jill doing her Avril Lavigne impression and Mr. Dave in-fucking-sightful Navarro pegging her as Carmela Soprano. Once again, that observation was spot on. I can't stand it.

Darling Dilana singing The Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again" with Gilby on guitar. Oh, she looks like a pro, but as I'd long feared, her voice caved on this number. Gilby gave me my "Fuck off, Gilby. Just fuck off," moment once again when he said that Dilana just proved a girl can front their band. Josh got surprised when Tommy jumped up to join him on STP's "Interstate Love Song". This left Dilana looking jealous, and who can blame her? Not only did Josh get the crushing light show compliments of T. Lee joining him, but he sounded capable enough, though I admit to looking past him to watch Tommy. And Tommy, you gotta love him, when he was done he gave a big, bouncy, happy hug to Josh, who just seemed underwhelmed by it all. Whether it's because he never drops his laid-back stoner persona or because he's under the influence of several SSRIs, I don't know, but he never seems to move beyond a flatline.

How about Magni? Wailing out "The Dolphin's Cry" by Live. Wow. Did he totally pwn the memory of Chris Daughtry or what? And Patrice. I've finally figured it out. All the tattoos in the world can't change the fact that she's got the face and demeanor of a butch, bitchy soccer mom. "Instant Karma" isn't going to save her forever. And it just may land her in the bottom three -- again, this week, and I really hope either she or Jill goes.

I've been over Toby for a week or so. But I'd love to comment on how obvious it is that his confidence has been shaken. I got sick of him and his frat-boy demeanor, the way he leads everything with his dick, and the way he skates on average performances by being good looking. But it's always interesting when the arrogant get yellow carded and their ego gets pulled back in line, and perhaps even crumbles like an overbaked chocolate chip cookie. I fear that "surface" is all Toby has to offer though. He tried to do something different last night by employing props! But a megaphone doesn't hide the fact that he's still doing the same thing, over and over.

Someone who did something a little different was the skunk-haired super-phony Lukas. His hair was down, and he left the glitter shadow at the manse. He enunciated more and tried to be "heartfelt" and used more of his voice instead of his usual garbled growl. Just as I was ready to soften and say, "Eh. It was pretty good," the fucker looked right at the camera and winked as he sang, "I don't belong here." That line is courtesy of Radiohead's "Creep." Ahem. I'm not kidding though. The turd winked right fucking at me. Smarm. Smarmier than whatever gross comment of Tommy's they edited out concerning Storm spanking him.

He'll get the encore, I'm quite sure. Jason kissed his ass afterward, saying that he finally used his instrument properly. And, oh yeah, Dilana looked pissed again when all this was going on.

Anyhow, I'd have plenty to say about all that if I had more time. But I'm also still bitter that they booted Dana and left so many boring people around. I don't really care who goes next, I just know that Jill, Patrice, Ryan, and Josh are still hanging around. I know Zayra sucks. But c'mon. I much prefer her glam-antics to anything those four do. I guess we'll see how it shakes out tonight.

6 comments:

Myfanwy Collins said...

I AM SO FUCKING GLAD SOMEONE ELSE NOTICED THAT WINK!!! Christ. Yes, I am screaming. I was incensed!

meep said...

So.
Last night.
Watching PleaZure Unit*.
As she finished her song.
I found myself standing in front of my TV applauding! I don't care if she's off key. I Worship Her!

Just now.
Reading "'SKANK' with pointy arrows".
I found myself standing in front of my monitor applauding! I don't care if you hate Dave**. I Worship You!

*If you know what film that name is from, you win a prize.

**Watch Ryan's performance again if you can. Dave was laughing. ;)

Cam said...

Oh wow. I thought Ryan's "outfit" was ridiculous. I hate him more than ever. I didn't think it was that good AT ALL. But maybe he will win.

As for Z, I enjoy her antics more and more, heehee. I wasn't able to see Lukas' performance... UGH! Must watch YouTube.

SusanD said...

I was actually glad for the wink, Myfanwy. He'd weakened me up 'til then, but it was a stunning reminder of what a douche he is.

Meep! Oh man, I don't know PleaZure Unit. :( Clue me in. In even worse news, exactly as I'd feared, my Navarro hate is running on fumes at this point. So sad for me.

Cam -- Oh, I hated Ryan's performance, too.

I'm so glad others are vibing on Zayra now, too!

meep said...

I took one look at Dave's new squeeze (are his arms long enough?), and do "hear ya" on the Dave loathing. Do you read his blog....you two having the gambling thing in common and all?

Will drop you an email about the silly 60s movie I referenced. It's a fav.

SusanD said...

meep -- I haven't checked out his blog yet. I found Lukas's and it depressed the hell out of me. Assholery is to be mocked. Illiteracy is not. Plus, I KNEW if I checked out Dave's blog he'd be well-spoken (written) and probably interesting and I'd like him even more. Gar. But I think I willl anyhow now, especially if he goes on that Vegas trip.