Alan Ball wrote the penultimate episode of this second season, and though it was, again, a lot of filler, his very sharp wit was juxtaposed with some very biting nastiness. (pun intended, yes)
First, Hoyt-Maxine-Jessica. It was hilarious that Hoyt's mama actually enjoyed the bloodsucking that Jessica laid on her, and also sad to see Jessica's remorse when she realized she'd upset Hoyt, and then downright awful to see her reaction when she realized the depth of Hoyt's anger. Much as I like Jessica, and dislike how rotten Maxine is to both Hoyt and Jess, it really is going to be hard to recover from the faux pas of fang sinking your potential mother-in-law. Things got pretty damn funny again when Maxine was back in the kitchen, preparing a feast for "the god who comes." (This phrase has become the new "Godric is 2,000 years old" phrase of the show -- they just can't repeat it enough.) It's now established that when Mama Fortenberry putters around the kitchen, Ruffles will play a significant role, and this week she whipped out her "frenzy" masterpiece of a casserole that included Ruffles, cheese, candy bars, and hot sauce.
I changed my mind about her. She may look like a deranged Paula Dean, but she cooks just like Sandra Lee.
Then we've got Tara, and although she's been released from Maryann's mental stranglehold by Bill and Sookie, she won't shut the fuck up about needing to rescue Eggs. I do not care for this, because I can't understand why she thinks she's in love with Eggs, because it's only been two weeks, and because I fucking hate Eggs and think he's a cypher. So she then proceeds to spew some shit that's even nastier than the mindfuck load that Maxine dumped on Hoyt, but she reverses the process and mindfucks her mother. Along the way, she also berates Lafayette and Sookie, and suddenly I ardently dislike Tara. But the funniest part of this scene is unintentional. We have Tara played by Rutina Wesley, whose upper body is more ripped than Bon Jovi's pants circa 1986, and we're supposed to believe that she's held captive by being handcuffed to a fucking coffee table!
Look at those damn arms! A STUPID GLASS TOP COFFEE TABLE is keeping this girl down! How about at least the sofa, or a sturdy armoire! Gah.
But at least we had Lafayette, producing all sorts of wonderful scenes. First, Nelsan Ellis looked as hot as a Louisiana summer.
Second, with him PTSDing on the porch, we got treated to another scene of him hallucinating Eric. This was wonderful, because Alexander Skarsgard got to show off his Generation Kill training as he went a little bit Iceman Colbert on Laf, holding him in his sights with the rifle. But though it's mighty sexy, even if he was dressed in drag, it does make me feel bad for Lafayette, admitting that he's so terrified of and hateful of Eric, and yet, due to the blood bond, he had incredible sex dreams about him. Well, shit. Given that last week's episode drew a record 5 million viewers, Lafayette, I think it's extremely safe to assume at this point that you are not the only one having sex fantasies about Eric/Alex S. (More on this later, of course.) The tables turned when Lafayette took the gun to Maryann, but, unfortunately for him, and for manservant Carl, Maryann was able to deflect the bullet with all sorts of "magic bullet" shit that'd make Arlen Specter cream himself and poor Carl went quietly into the dark night. Seriously, inspect this:
I can't understand it. Lafayette was directly in front of her and he fired, and she deflected it with her hand. But, as you can CLEARLY see, Carl was to her left and BEHIND her. How did the bullet manage that sort of fucken trajectory, huh?
Still working the buddy system, Jason and Andy had to work past their differences. When Sam declared Jason a "damn fool," Andy had a bit of sympathy and welcomed him to his world. But when they raided the police station for ammo, Andy denied Jason kevlar and then got testy with him. The best was Jason then explaining that he didn't have it easy in life. It's such hard work to have to watch so much porn to keep informed and keep the ladies happy! But we did also find out that even horndog Jason has standards -- the ladies must be conscious for him to have sex with them... at least, they have to start out conscious. That is Jason Fuckin' Stackhouse, alright! He can fuck you comatose!
I felt bad for poor Sookie. Her house has leapfrogged again and is past the point of a Blair Witch frat party and has catapulted into Rob Zombie movie set territory. I mean, when you're greeted at the door with Jane Bodehouse dismembering her own finger while singing the "lo lo" chant to the row-row-your-boat melody, it's not a good sign. And, speaking of Jane, I'm gonna have to cross her off my "to party with" list after that little stunt. A bit too far, Jane. Too far. How you gonna drunk dial Peanut now? But aside from the spinetingling creepiness of some of this shit, it also strikes me that these episodes of Blood had to be some of the funnest sets on Hollywood when being filmed. Random people running in their undies and trailing toilet paper and fingerless crazies just have to be a riot during breaks. And this is probably evidenced by Arlene, guarding Sookie's house, and demanding an entrance fee of "100 million dollars... and your pants!"
We also finally met the madcap Queen Sophie-Anne, played by Evan Rachel Wood. She looked gorgeous in her '40s attire, lounging poolside listening to "The Good Life."
It brings up a strange question, though. Why did Bill go from chalky white last episode to semi-decent looking at the start of this, to looking downright tan at the pool? Also, I, being the shallow viewer that I am, noticed that his chest hair grew back completely from the first and second episode of this season, which was really only in Blood time about 10 days. Count on me to keep track of these things, always.
Also in the nitpick department, I am, sadly, not yet sold on Wood's performance. Michelle Forbes as Maryann has been killing the "deranged female" slot this season, and Lorena was no slacker, either. But there is a line between campy and hammy, and I'm not quite sure Wood landed on the right side of this line. Her scene partner, Stephen Moyer as Bill, I believe had the same reaction to her skills. Consider this reaction shot of his as proof.
But I'm willing to give her another shot, particularly because the Queen's lines amused me, what with even her being aware of the Bill-Eric animosity dynamic, wishing they'd just fuck each other and get it over with.
And we did get treated to some of that Bill-Eric verbal parry-thrust again. Bill getting all scoldy, high and mighty with Eric over feeding Sookie his blood again, and I loved how Eric rammed it right back up Bill's sanctimonious ass about that! At least Eric only did trick her into sucking his blood. Bill damn near got Sookie killed just to pump himself into her veins.
And it was wonderful to see Eric back in fine form. Though Team Skarsgard Shirtless was shut out this week, the costume department deserves a huge hand. First, the return of Ginger, screaming at the mere appearance of Sam outside the door of Fangtasia, with that fantastic "Sorry, we're Dead" closed sign on the door. That chick has definitely been glamored one time too many. But then, again thanks to Sam, the greatest duo on the show were reunited -- Eric and Pam. Pam was rocking what looked to be an outrageous early '80 "Studio 54" vintage red sequined Halston jumpsuit and she was looking divalicous in it.
By the way, Seinfeld fans, have you recognized Pam yet? She's Manhands! Yes she is! Anyhow, then we got her exasperated expression when Eric again tipped his hand about his Sookie fascination. And even better was her reaction to children: "I hate them." I love Pam! But the best was Eric in that gigolo suit.
Hot. So hot. And then it got hilarious when he was toying with Arlene's kids. Though Pam was only disgusted with them, Eric found the "tiny humans" intriguing. Teacup humans! And we all got yet another Swedish word burned into our linguistic palette. "Delicota -- delicious." Might not be spelled that way, but phonetically, delicota is what Eric thinks of children, and what I'd assume about 4.9 million of the 5 million viewers think about Eric in that suit. Then, in his playfully evil way, he winked at the kids and then literally flew away, totally exciting the kids and completely freaking Sam the fuck out. And his windblown hair when he arrived in front of Bill, antagonistically asking, "Soo, has Sookie mentioned me?" was damn near true love.
It is now a two week wait for the finale, and I think we all know how I feel about that.
But never fear. In the interim, I think I might do my official Bill v. Eric comparison on here, if for no other reason than it's a great excuse to post more random picspam of A.S.
Photo credits this week go to once again to marishna, and the gif of Eric screwing with his hair I totally filched from a poster at Sucks.