Have You Met Miss Jones?

Last night was girl's night on Idol, which was fitting, because it kept reminding me of the rock star poster child of single girls. Bridget Jones.

Back before Renee Zellwegger got affixed with her permanent sour lemon face, she stumbled across the screen like a hot mess and charmed most everyone watching her. She suffered through poor fashion choices (Alaina), hair disasters (Amanda), and even had a charming poof of a best friend (Seacrest). Not to mention her poorly executed karaoke session atop her desk (nearly everyone else.) There were two songs performed from the film's soundtrack, and we even had a touch of Brit with Simon's accent. But for all her embarrassments, Bridget did, however, make the very wise choice of simply lip-synching the classic "All By Myself." If only everyone had her smarts.

Carly O'Pimpedone started off the show with Heart's "Crazy On You" and it was really quite alright. Good, in fact. She sounded good, but, as Simon likes to point out, but didn't in this case, not nearly as good as Ann does on the song. But at least she left her maternity robe at home this time and looked less puffy than Ann.

I'm still not comprehending the judges's reactions to Syesha's take on "Me and Misses (MIster) Jones." I loved that she didn't yell and worked the soft and powerful parts of the song and thought she sounded great. But, across the board, the judges told her that what she does well is shout and that she should definitely continue to shout in the future. Bad, bad advice, and I had to wonder if they aren't intentionally punking her with those comments.

Amanda Overmyer murdered a Kansas song while looking like a reject from a Whitesnake video. Alaina did alright with the Grease song, "Hopelessly Devoted To You," but someone really needs to send out a memo that blue satin dresses are never okay. And her package made her look like a flake. If the most interesting thing this girl has going for her is that she likes to keep her food apart, we've just discovered heretofore unfathomable levels of vapidity. And yet, she comes out on stage and does have a personality, so I can't really judge. In stark contrast is Kady, who also chose to sing Heart, and who actually does have a richer and more unique voice than the clover kid, even if she keeps it mostly hidden onstage. She also comes off great in her films, but then does her best Anna Nicole Simpson dumb floozy/stagestruck bit when she's live.

The one bright light of the night was Brooke, who sang the Carly Simon classic "You're so Vain" while glancing over at Simon. She sounded great and I'm not sure Simon was just putting on when he kept saying that he did think the song was about him.

I'm having trouble remembering the other girls, which probably doesn't bode well for them. Oh yeah. Kristy "Crouching Farmgirl, Hidden Talent" Lee Cook sang. She crouched and had a pretty face but was all so much blah. Ramiele can sing very well. But if anyone was in need of a makeover, it's this girl. The sideswiped hair, the belted cami, the pegged pants. She's gonna be a tiny little piece of gorgeous when the stylists get their hands on her, but until then she's a lot more suited for "American Pimp" than "American Idol." And though Alexandrea Lushington has, by a mile, the best name in the competition, she was just so boring.

So that left Asia'h to close the show. She came out dressed like she should've been serving coffee to Miranda Priestley, or maybe dating Patrick Bateman. Appropriate, because she butchered "All By Myself." At least she remembered to use all the consonants at her disposal, but she couldn't find the right notes and it just made me long for Bridget's interpretation.

So that was that, really. But as the hour and a half ended, I realized I could've actually spent that same time watching "Bridget Jones's Diary." And I sorta wished I had.