Thursday, February 21, 2008

Sham-Rock Divas

The most interesting thing about girls' night on Idol last night was watching the boys' reactions. I haven't yet started with the screencapping, but I really should to get evidence. Maybe later tonight I'll do it and put it up here. But you had to see it. You had to notice David Cook and his ugly mug sitting there, not even pretending to be enjoying the majority of the performances. He sat there, slouched in his seat with his arms crossed most of the time. It may not have been classy, but it was definitely an "authentic" reaction to the evening.

The battle of the blondes began, and the much hyped Kristy Lee Cook babbled about selling her favorite horse. As though that would somehow upstage Asia'h's dead dad sob story. Bitch, please. This is the modelicious blonde who can sing "Amazing Grace" and apparently nothing else. She sang it for her audition and then after she bombed in Hollywood, she sang it again and got through. Last night, she didn't sing it and again she bombed out. I'm not shocked. I'm of the opinion that most people have that one song that they can actually sing, even if they can't carry a tune on anything else. Some people just never find that one song. (I, for instance, can't sing worth a damn. But for some reason I can sing "One for the Road".)

Beyond that, most of the other girls all smushed together into a boring-to-bad compilation of trite '60s covers. That one blonde who looks like Carrie did alright, though. Best, drunken Pauler actually said that they had Diana Ross sing the same song on the show last year and it was "dreadful." You can bet your ass she's gonna get strongly-worded letters from Miz Ross's people about that one!

And the one non-blonde, the rock chick Amanda, I enjoyed her performance a little because at the end of it, Randy commented on her "trousers." Randy, the one who has the smallest vocabulary and least relevant remarks actually said "trousers." I liked that. As for Amanda's performance? I'm having a hard time swallowing that she's twenty-three. Anthony Bourdain would have a hard time swallowing that shit, okay? I thought she was fucking horrendous, but I really hope she sticks around, because she is different, and it'll be a laugh riot to see her be forced to perform some dreary-ass Barry Manilow shit if she advances. I'd love to see a rocker chick do well, and I don't really think she's a sham, but I also don't think she's so hot. Her voice is distinctive, but not really great. Kind of like Rockstar's Dilana but without the chops.

Little Ramiele can sing, and so can Syesha, and I still like Asia'h's smoky voice, but I got sick of her shit enunciation as she sang "Piece o' my 'art."

So that leaves the one they're cramming down our throats. Let me be clear. I don't hate Carly because she's a ringer and a plant. Pete's sake, this year, the competition has more plants than FTD central offices. Full on, I don't even hate Carly. Yet. But I also really don't like her. I got sick of seeing her bug-eyed shock on that promo that they aired over and over from her audition when Cowell told her that she wasn't as good as two years ago. I don't like her nibbly little rat face and I despise her pointy rat-teeth. And her? I do think she's a sham. After Nigel got confronted by the press about her, they wrote her a nice little script for her intro last night to explain that she's had a record deal. Even that was embellished, though, as she made it sound like the company went kablooey and that's why she failed.

Wrong. They spend millions of bucks to promote the broguey bitch and she sold 500 records. And yeah, Randy was involved. So of course he's going to give her a big old silver-tongue bath that'd make Gene Simmons' oral apparatus seem average in comparison. But again, I don't hold the record contract against her.

What I hold against her is that she's a consistent under-achiever, and she did it again last night. Like Luke Menard, who thinks that passable good looks can substitute for substance, Carly thinks that her natural voice should be enough. She says she's not there to be a diva, but that bug-eyed reaction told it all. Her voice is good, I won't lie about that. But she has abso-fucking-lutely nothing else going on. There's no actual talent, and that's not something that can be taught. She's polished and groomed, but she's destined to keep failing because she lacks the ability to sing, which is different from having a voice. I think you could lock her in a room with Sinatra records until there's peace in the mid-east and she still wouldn't get it, either. She's a fucking sham.

She has her kohl-lined eyes and stringy hair and tattoo sleeve and then she sings sappy pop songs. I'm not saying that a book can't have a different cover, but what exactly does she like? You'd think she'd be a rocker chick, but instead she goes for the songs to showcase her big tone. Does she really enjoy singing that crappy shit? If not, she's twice the sham. If she does enjoy it, why does it always come across like she's doing it for acceptance instead of enjoyment? Other than her wanting success and her second chance, I have no clue what this girl is on about. That's why she's a diva. She wants her second chance. But what she obviously just doesn't get is that to have it, she has to entertain US.

It was a recurring theme among the guys last night. They thought they were hot shit because they were going to "show themselves on TV." That's the epitome of vapid, self-loving fame-whoring, to think that simply showing yourself is what makes a star. No, fuckheads. If you're hoping to be in the ENTERTAINMENT business, it's not all about you. It's about the AUDIENCE. You show yourself, and your talent, and do it in a way that connects with the audience. Otherwise, you're just more of the cannon fodder that keeps this show running extra weeks for more commercial time.

Carly at least understands that she has to show off her voice to entertain the audience. The problem is, she's just so shallow about it that I doubt she'll ever connect. She doesn't want to entertain, she wants acceptance. Well, good luck, hon. I hope she makes it far. But I have a feeling she's never going to rise above being flat. The girl with all the potential who just can't fabricate an actual personality.

Maybe she will as the season goes on. Maybe if she'd step up and be the diva instead of worrying about playing nice to gain widespread acceptance, something honest and moving and diva-esque would come out in her performance which would actually be interesting. Until then? She can kiss my blarney-stone, cause I'm not buying it.


Don Capone said...

Great recap, as usual. I too noticed David Cook sitting there looking pissed off. What's up with that?

Amanda gave a good performance, but she should have picked a song that had more than 4 words (baby please don't go). It's hard to tell how good someone's voice is if they don't actually SING some words.

So far this Top 24 isn't looking all that great. A few standouts like Syesha, but that's it. I'm sick of AI repeating how this is "the best top 24 ever!"

JenWriter said...

Part of my problem with Carly is that she has had her chance. Yeah, maybe it doesn't matter. But I feel that she's had her contract and her millions spent. She just didn't make it. Shouldn't someone else have their turn to try? Maybe if she was impressing me, I'd feel differently about it, but so far she's getting a big "meh" from me.

trudi said...

All along I though it was Simon pushing the leprechaun. Yes, that was one love fest that Jackson threw down. Why didn't he just give her a spot on his compilation album and spare America the sham that she's on equal footing with the rest of the contestants?

Alice said...

Oh shoot! I guess I had too much Scotch because I loved The Shadow of Your Smile - and I didn't even want to like her. I sure did a double take on all the blonds, though. Maybe I better watch the next ep without the drinking. ;-)

SusanD said...

Alice! You can NEVER have too much Scotch! (perhaps I didn't have enough ;)) Basically, I wanted to use the "shamrock" pun before someone else did.

trudi -- I know! He loves her so much, he should have to deal with her.

I hear you, Jen. For sure.

Don, they do push that, and it's not so annoying until they all finally perform and it's obvious they're not the best, or even in the top six of seven ;)

Anita said...

One thing I did read that might help explain all the reeeeally bad songs for 60s week, is that there were only 50ish song approved ... that means, with 24 singers, they each had 2 from which to choose. That's absurd ... surely they could have come up with more than this.
I like the idea of dread-head singing Shakedown Street - but I can't see the Dead OKing it ... that would be like selling out to a TV car commercial ... or have they done that already?!

Cam said...

Those are really astute observations about Carly. I, too, don't dislike her, I just don't feel any connection between her and what she's singing. These plants bore me.

Kady Malloy (sp?) was pretty funny with her Britney impersonation, hee. But then she had to sing "Groovy Kind of Love".

SusanD said...

cam -- just standing still, Kady does a damn fine Anna Nicole Smith impersonation.

anita -- that is truly ridiculous to only give them that many songs to choose from! I don't know how the dead would feel about giving permission to a song. But considering that Clive was able to twist Springsteen's balls enough to force him into allowing a song to be used, I know he could do the same with them, as they were on his label 'til they split. I know they let "Althea" be used a couple years ago for a TV show theme. (good show, too, I was sorry it tanked.)