Bruno, you better be witty!

So, the fifth season of Dancing with the Stars is underway. I'm underwhelmed. I still miss Joey Fatone. I know the show has always been D-list, but they really are stretching it this season, aren't they? Unless by "stars" they're talking about Maks's biceps and Edyta's tits. Because those really are the biggest draws this season. That and Cheryl Burke's class.

How can you not adore Cheryl? Just when you think television is overloaded with floozies and himbos, out of this trashy-flashy romp comes such a lovely woman. While some of the other dancers throw fits if their partners aren't up to snuff (Karina), Cheryl keeps her cool and class and encourages, teaches, and cheers on her partner. Granted, she was paired with Drew and Emmitt before, but last year it was mostly her appeal that kept her dud of a partner in it through the final four. And this year? This year she's got it rough with Wayne Newton.

Wayne, who's had so much plastic surgery he now looks like Rachel Ray.


Jesus.

But Mr. Las Vegas is being a good, gracious sport about it all, and, predictably, so is Cheryl.

The other highlight from the men? Unintentionally funny Albert Reed, the model. Yeah, when he made the first Zoolander reference I thought, okay, he's got a sense of humor about it. Then he made another Zoolander reference. Then a third. And then I realized that although he's saying the movie is a poor stereotype, he and his model friends are obviously waaaayyy too invested in the movie. Kind of like how Ralph Cifaretto was constantly obsessed with Gladiator. Irony, Albert. But the coup de grace? When Albert then couldn't even pull off the fucking Blue Steel that he'd suggested they put in the routine! I laughed so hard I nearly cried! The fucking kid is infatuated with Zoolander. (which, by the way, is a really under-appreciated movie) The kid is a model, and he wants to disprove the stereotype of dumb models. And yet he can't even successfully pull off a mock of Blue Steel! What the hell, dude! Even THIS guy can pull off a Blue Steel!


As for the women competing? I don't know. I only watched when Maks danced, because he's really, really, ridiculously good looking. Also? Maks has it all over Albert. Why? Maks is an ambi-turner.