Rocket's Crash Landing

Yesterday, former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell released his report linking eighty-five Major League Baseball players to illegal use of steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs. In 409 pages, he identified players, including All-Stars, MVPs, journeymen and scrubs.

After perusing the list of names, my reaction was, "No shit, Sherlock." Talk about finally having a firm grasp on the obvious. Wow.

I mean, okay. This report, it's comprehensive and it's going to stir the pot. And I did get a couple of chuckles that I wasn't expecting (Kevin Brown). But did I see any name I was shocked by? No. Not a single one. I suppose I'm a little surprised by a couple of names that aren't on the list that I was expecting would be. Mostly, I'm failing to understand why Roger Clemens has become the poster-boy for this whole non-revelatory information. Is it because he was finally named and "caught"?

The only thing that shocks me is that he wasn't dogged by juicing rumors earlier. Just, fucking look at him. If you couldn't tell that he was drug-enhanced, perhaps you'd also need a 3 year investigation and 400 page report to give you a clue that Pamela Anderson has surgically enhanced tits. Clemens, I'm not a fan of his. I never actively disliked him until he left Boston. It was clear his career was over at that point, and then he had a decade-long resurgence. Year after year, I'd look at his massive bulky frame, listen to the media kiss his injected ass, and wonder what the fuck was going on. Frankly, I've seethed for the past five or six years, when he was informally given the title of "greatest pitcher of his era." I thought his 300th win was a total farce.

If you're a sports fan, or even a casual watcher, I'm sure you already have a fairly clear and strong opinion on what rampant juicing has meant to the game of baseball. And I'm sure you already have your own idea on how all the records and players should be dealt with. Do you want them stripped, or asterisked, or blocked from the Hall of Fame, or should bygones be bygones? I'm not going to scribble my own thoughts and try to justify them. I'm content to sit back and watch the circus continue. Because I'm sure of one thing. Selig and Co. will carefully look at all this information, and then they'll do what they feel isn't necessarily the best thing for the game of baseball, but what's best for the business of baseball. And those are two very different agendas.

But what would make me satisfied is if the asshole sports writers who never did a goddamn bit of investigative journalism and instead just sat back and wrote post-game, op-ed pieces and congratulatory color commentary and helped light Rocket's star-fuse would finally climb out of golden-boy Roger's now-tarnished ass and continue to write whatever the fuck they want to about him, as long as they retire the moniker of "the greatest pitcher of his generation" from their list of seemingly mandatory descriptors about him. It's time to give that title back to the guy who's earned it. Greg Maddux.