Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Deja Vu

Perhaps the appearance of Paula Abdul on last night's Rock Star wasn't just a charming television curiosity. Perhaps it was meant as some sort of producer foreshadowing. Because didn't the way things played out seem a bit familiar to you Idol fans?

In case not, I give you this brief photo essay.

Going out at number four:
THE BALD GUY


Going out at number three:
The Cute Guy Who Sings the Best


Runner up:
The sweet chick who ends up villianized when we see through the charade and witness her self-serving ways and bitchy looks


WINNER:
They guy who dances like he's either drunk or having a seizure. Or having a drunken seizure. He sings alright, you know. But those wild gyrations are what really clinches it.



MmmHmm.

So this season of Rock Star comes to a close, with Lukas Rossi being picked as frontman for Supernova. I hope to have a couple more words of commentary on the finale in the next couple of days, but just in case I get sidetracked, I just want to thank everyone who nudged me toward this show. I'm glad I watched. I didn't get as much snarky mileage out of it as I did with Idol, but a large part of that is because yes, the House Band DOES fucking ROCK. They're great. And my hate for Dave disolved, and I'm now satisfied to consider him the worthy Godfather of (commercial) Goth.



But it's okay that I lost one hate-on, because in Taoist balance, I gained another, much more worthy of disdain in hatchet-faced Gilby Clarke.

Poor fucking Dilana. Her runner-up prize? Gilby offered to produce and CO-WRITE her CD. Even squint-eyed Ryan got a fucking car. But Dilana didn't even get the Chocolate phone from LG that they'd been hocking mercilessly all season. Oh no! Instead she gets an offer to get one of the all-time lamest songwriters to help her on her CD. And this while they all shower her with "we love you" sentiments. Fuck me! If that's love, I guess these guys are SERIOUSLY into the S&M idea of it all. Pain is pleasure, baby. Now suck it up and go make an album and sing profoundly asinine lyrics about tarantula fuzz!

But thus ends the build-up. There was lots of flirting from himbo Tommy along the way, though we never got to see Tommy's much ballyhooed great big cock that Brooke Burke so often not-so-coyly mentioned. But this is network television. And it doesn't matter anyhow. It's something we've already seen before. It was nice to just relive the glory days again, with a little different flavor and spin this time.

And that's exactly what Supernova is setting out to do. Jason, hatchet-faced Gilby, and big-dicked T. Lee on the road, with new guy Lukas Rossi. I'm sure Lukas will hear plenty about the good-ole-days. And I hope gets to revel in some brand new fun of his own.

7 comments:

Myfanwy Collins said...

DAMN! You are so good! Those connections are perfect. Last night's show was a bit of a snooze, but the chips sort of fell where I expected them to.

I'm trying to figure out what they'll do for NEXT season? I'm thinking they might bring in a girl band looking for a lead singer. Who though? Help me, oh wise one!

meep said...

As one of the ones who nudged you, I humbly thank you for your - always - spot-on commentary.

And with this brilliant entry, I'm moved to quote our beloved Pocket Prince of Darkness:

"That was AWEsome Dude!"

SusanD said...

Oh you guys! Thank you. Myfanwy -- I love the girl band idea! And Meep, I'm humbled. I'm really glad that House Band gets to go on tour, cause they'll ROCK those shows.

Ellen Parker said...

This is hilarious, Susan. I watched the last few shows of "Idol" and "Supernova" and I pretty much got the gist. Everything you say is dead on. I love your comparisons.

Alice said...

Susan, you just never cease to amaze and entertain. Photo essay was awesome as his gothness would say. I'll miss all the wallet chains, but could really care less about this band. Bring on the House Band! I'm so glad you took this on, too. Thanks for another entertaining season. BTW, Caramel Flava is in the Zooba book club and doing well!

Cam said...

Heh, "hatchet-faced Gilby". He really does bug.

I think you may have heard that they lost the lawsuit for the name so they're going to be called "Rockstar: Supernova." No, seriously. :lol:

SusanD said...

Ellen, thanks :)

Cam -- no shit! They lost the case. That IS funny.

Alice -- YAY for Zooba book club! I'd love to go to a show just to groove to the House Band.