It Hurts Me To Say It, But...

Oh Shit. Maybe the glow is gone, or maybe I was just in a funky mood. But this week's True Blood had everything going for it. It was written by Alexander Woo, who's usually one of my faves, and it had blood, sex, and violence to spare. But the opening clunked for me, and then the closing took the camp barometer into "cheezy" territory.

Look, I know I have a bit of an usual love for Goodfellas. But it's possibly my favorite film of all time, and maybe that makes me a little too touchy. The opening scene this week picked up exactly where last week's left off, with Eric and a wolf lunging toward each other. A bit of mayhem ensued (all good) and then, naturally, Eric overpowered the werewolf and after exchanging a few unpleasantries in his best Bale-Batman growl, Eric ripped into his neck and pulled big chunks out. Again, all good! Then, as the werewolf bled out on Sookie's rug, he looked up at her and calmly said, "I got your rug all wet." No. Just, no. It was Joe Pesci as mega-psycho Tommy DeVito and he'd viciously beaten a man nearly to death when he was suddenly overcome with a remorseful look and he sincerely apologized to Henry, saying, "I didn't mean to get blood all over your floor." THAT was a chilling and perversely funny moment. The homage here just...No. No.

Of course, I don't blame a show for trying, and I certainly don't blame Skarsgard, who's looking finer than ever playing his changing part this year with all sorts of devilish charm and chagrined care.


But even better, finally, there's new competition for the fox of the season award. Oh, you know I'm talking about Joe Manganiello as Alcide. Talk about too good to be true! Though he was terribly overdressed for his entire first appearance, I didn't really care. He's THAT good-looking. He's this hot werewolf and I don't know, I think he acted okay, but I didn't really even listen to his lines because, well, look at him!


Naturally, we had Jason to fulfill the absurd naked scene this week, appearing pantsless instead of shirtless while he struggles yet again with feeling, I don't know, like he needs a calling or something, I don't really listen, not because I'm so distracted because he's so hot, but because I only laugh at his idiot lines and then tune out his crisis of conscience shit because I don't care.

Sam, of course, is sucking shit again after meeting his weirdo white-trashy family. Lafayette got a shiny new car! But there are strings attached, courtesy of Eric. And Terry is all happy about becoming a daddy, even though we suspect the baby is actually serial killer Renee's baby. Tara is getting wooed and then glamoured by creepy new vamp Franklin who seems to be stalking Bill. Bill! Poor Tara, the only times she's happy, she's under some sort of mind control. And oh yeah, Sookie is wearing white again. All good soapy shit that should keep things rolling along and right on track for Blood. Meanwhile, speaking of gorgeous things, let's talk for a minute about Pam. She was, as always, HOT getting her some Estonian skank. And she was hilarious with Jessica, who is getting so pretty she's almost show-stopping. I'm really not as down with the girl-love as Pam is, but something about Jessica and that red hair and those blue eyes and I just feel so bad for Hoyt.


What else? Oh yeah! Back at the king of Mississippi's crib, another rug got ruined, but this time it was hilarious the way Talbot threw a shit fit over it and then the king calls him on his tantrum is all, "It's like Armageddon around here when someone chips a dessert plate." I approve of the king and his court, most definitely! Of course, they, along with uber-bitch Lorena have screwed Bill over, but of course, we the audience loves when Bill is tortured so. He cries, he gnashes, but then he retracts his fangs and does as he must.


And then he cries and gnashes and tries to rape Lorena but she loves it too much so he twists her head all the way around and it looks just like a scene from "Death Becomes Her" and it's supposed to be this sick, dark, disgusting awful thing for Bill and we should be horrified and perversely amused maybe, I don't know, but it was just so fucking...cheezy. I don't know if it was the effects or the whole thing but when I'm supposed to be revolted by the action and instead I'm just appalled at the poor quality it's not a good sign. Truly, there's only one way to win me back now, and I think we all know what it is. Nudity, Manganiello, next episode. Something tells me I won't be disappointed.