What the fuck? Is this True Blood or a supernatural rehash of Oz? The homoeroticism was flowing more freely than Bill's bloody tears this week. Not that I have a problem with that, believe me. Lafayette should get some from Jesus!
And, of course, if it gets Eric shirtless, I'm all on board!
But then we've got Sookie and Bill, rapidly becoming Beecher and Keller and hurtling toward my most despised couple on TV. God! I am so sick of them! Cry and make-up, bite and make-up, drain and make-up. And I'm so sick of their fucking theme music that's supposed to make me feel all sweet on them. I'm going to have a Pavlovian response to it and just start gagging as soon as I hear those strings start to swell anymore. I just hate them now!
Overall, it was an okay episode, I guess. It was by Raelle Tucker, and she's good at the dark and feely type of things, but I don't generally get a lot of laughs from her episodes. And, frankly, at this point, with the werewolves and soapy situations and ultra-violence, when this show doesn't acknowledge its camp appeal and takes itself really seriously, it doesn't get "heavy" so much as "dumb" to me. But, maybe I'm just jaded and miffed about the whole Sookie-Bill thing. I did enjoy muchly Sookie's scrapbook dedicated to them with its one picture. That was a little funny.
Also funny again was Talbot and the King. Talbot having his weekly hissy when Queen Sophie-Anne moved in was great: "I can't get Franklin's brains out of the guest linens, I had to bury werewolves under the gazebo, and that Sookie bitch staked Lorena!"
And things looked up when he and Eric got all naked, because let's face it -- they're both fine! And who knew it was so easy to seduce someone? "I'm bored. Take off your clothes." We go through all sorts of shenanigans for three seasons to get Eric undressed and it's just that easy. Love Talbot! But we all knew it would end badly, and though I enjoy Eric being all Ericy and staking him, I'm sad to see Talbot and his chafing diamond slippers exit already. Such a damn shame.
On the upside, Jesus returned and so did Alfre Woodard! Alfre was pretty funny, wielding that knife and greeting Jesus so sunnily. And now the door is opened and soon Lafayette will have supernatural abilities and Jesus will be his magic man in many ways. And no, none of that is a spoiler from the books, cause Lafayette died long ago in the books. They've just telegraphed this shit nicely. But it's all good.
Jason? He gets more reckless and more shirtless and sees some zombie-ass shit and just blows it off and worries about Crystal and I don't care about any of it. Though doesn't Hotshot fill the Aryan brotherhood void left by the closing of Oz? I tell you, all we need now is Cyril O'Reilly to run through with his sock puppet and it'd be like old times with a better setting.
Tara is in full-frothing snappy Tara mode, nastily warning Sookie away from Bill and then having disturbingly sexy dreams about Franklin. For real, his eyelashes alone in that shower scene were gorgeous. Poor Tara.
But Jessica was back!
She's still pining for Hoyt but she did some vampire-ninja training with Bill to fight off werewolves and then she ate Patrick Swayze's brother! YAY Jessica!! That was a heartwarming moment.
Also heartwarming was the return of Rene, cher! I know, he ended up being a psycho murderer, but he and that cajun accent are still way cute.
And then all of that wonderfulness was totally sullied by the awfulness of the Sookie-Bill reconcilement. I don't even know why I suddenly hate them, but I just do. This is worse than Ross and Rachel. Maybe they'll come up with their own little break-up tag line. Instead of "We were on a break" it could be "I will use this stake!" If only, right? Pfft.